"You can't fly if you don't believe in the strength of your wings."

You can't fly if you don't believe in the strength of your wings." -Stephanie Henshaw

Thoughts on the Eve of a New Year...

My wonderfully dear, inspiring friend and fellow Angel mom, Candy Granger-Underhill, posted this quote on her Facebook wall.  I couldn't help but think of how perfect the words were for our lives, she in the mountains of Colorado and me here in Georgia.  Candy, mom to angel Sam, a little Angel the same age as Hayden, ran her 1st 50K to raise money and awareness for Miles for Smiles in 2011. For 2013, she is steppimg up her challenge and is pushing herself to compete in a 50 mile endurance race, Little Big Horn 50 mile in Idaho, this coming June.

Candy is amazing.  Not only is she an incredible athlete, she is raising Sam, age 4, his beautiful big sister, Reece, and gave birth to a precious baby girl last May, just weeks before directing the Mountain to Valley 10 mile, F.A.S.T. 4 mile and Smiling Sam Kids Fun Run in Glenwood Springs, CO.  She also moved over the summer to Steamboat Springs and back to Glenwood Springs over the summer as her husband's business and job changed - all with an inner peace about her (something I always envy about those who love the mountain air and the lifestyle that makes Colorado their home)

Candy Granger-Underhill and her beautiful children

We took our first plane ride/cross country vacation with Hayden and Hailey out to Colorado this past June - the home of our hearts and where we would snap our fingers and be tomorrow if God hadn't given us our child, full of challenges and needs that tie us to Georgia (we are truly blessed to have Hayden's school, The Joseph Sams School for Special Needs, as part of our family just miles from our house - that school and its teachers give both Hayden and us a life of opportunity to grow).  While out there, we ventured into those glorious mountains to meet the Underhill family and take part in the Mountain to Valley Race. 

Mt. Sopris

The red rocks of Glenwood Springs

The race was amazing and one day I will write it up as I remember it and continue to replay in my mind.  A quick summary -imagine taking buses 10 miles out of town with some of the most beautifully fit people you have ever seen, all smiling and laughing and just happy to be out, enjoying the quite warm June morning (which this Georgia girl loved to my advantage) and mountain air (which had me doing butterfly flips internally, wondering how in the world I was going to breathe and if my muscles would get the oxygen they needed to finish 10 miles or would I pass out in the process).  Mt. Sopris's snowcapped peak rose off my right shoulder as we scurried down the dirt road through open range pastures, watching herds of cows pace us (seriously, they started running alongside around mile 3) with no fencing separating them from the runners, and ahead, the beautiful red rock faces of the landscape surrounding Glenwood Springs and the finish line.  I remember a little over 1/2 way through, I took it all in, thinking "wow, I am really here, I am really fulfilling a dream to one day run a race in the Colorado mountains".  I had a memorable race, ran hard and crossed the finish line as the 2nd female (Candy told me later the winner was a local legend who had previously run in the Olympic Trials which made this Angel momma of 2 smile and made the massive oxygen deprived headache that followed the race totally worth the effort).  Again, another amazing life experience I might never have had if God hadn't given us Hayden - sometimes, especially during the hard days and nights, I have to remind myself of the glorious opportunities this child has given us to soar, compared to where our life would be if we had a "typical" child.

I only get to hear from Candy every once in awhile, obviously, we are both a wee bit busy in our daily lives.  I wish we lived near one another, we could run together (or tag team with child watching since we share similar angel-proofing strategies), inspire one another, and I have a hunch, set crazy goals like running 100 mile races in the mountains!



Candy Granger-Underhill and me - love this Angel momma!

I envy her 2013 goal of running a 50 miler - I know she will not only accomplish it, but will be one of the top finishers in the process.  Something she and I share thanks to the gift of our special children - we can dig deep, much deeper than we once thought possible, realizing the physical pain of racing is nothing compared to the years of sleepless nights, feeling helpless when you see your child suffer sickness or seizures, and that this ability to train and race is truly a gift, one that we live in fear of losing as our children get bigger, older and stronger.  I am still searching for my goal for 2013, my purpose for getting up and fighting for time to train in the midst of raising two little girls, being their mom, advocate, and cheerleader for others who are striving for their own 2013 goals.  (note:  I don't envy her running 50 miles, but I admire and love her for setting a huge goal and living life passionately to achieve it)

I live with a fear that as much as I love training and racing, caring for my Angel might start to affect my abilities - I think some of my hip issues of 2012 probably resulted from carrying a 40-something pound child on my right hip multiple times/day and the aching back I feel now during and after long runs has many of the same origins... hummm.... time to start more yoga and core stabilization exercises... in all that "free" time, right?  How much longer will I be able to run, to train, to race at this level?  I will miss it if I can't do it anymore (although as I wrote in a previous post - if Hayden and the Angels have a cure, I truly could walk away from the racing and never look back)

So, God, you have given me such talent and opportunities, thanks to my beautiful little daughter.  What do you want me to do with them in 2013?  How do I fly?  Where do I fly?  How do I use these talents to bring glory to you, inspire others, be a role model for my children but not take away from them, and further the awareness of Angelman Syndrome, with the hopes of touching someone to give for our kids and the dream we have that they will one day (soon!!!) speak, eat without help, live seizure free, understand consequences so we don't have to keep and eye on them 24/7, and share dreams for their future?

Dave, Dee, Hailey (6), Hayden (4)
Mountain to Valley 10 Miler
Glenwood Springs, CO
June 2, 2012